I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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