the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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