Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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