I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
