Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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