Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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