Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
