MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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