u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
