i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
