I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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