Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
