I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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