I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
