After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
