I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
