My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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