I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
