STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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