I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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