The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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