when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
