you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
