Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
