Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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