oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
