I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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