Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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