i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
