idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
