I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
