Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
