Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
