Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
