Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
