should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
