Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
