East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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