i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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