So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
