just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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