You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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