I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
