My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
