I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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