Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
