would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
