Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
