please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
