Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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