naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
