My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
