i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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