my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
