The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
