She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
