I hate all girls vehemently.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
