Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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