I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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