what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
