her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
