Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
