I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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