you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
