I'm jealous of your bromance
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
