He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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