Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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