dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
