dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
