Ketchup is God's man juice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
