my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
