I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
