I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
