She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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